


Why Do I Love You

by theliteraltrash



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Break Up Talk, Chris Argent is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Constipation, Endgame Chris Argent/Derek Hale, First Kiss, Homophobic Gerard Argent, M/M, Post-Canon, Sorting Through Emotions In The Shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-29 01:57:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15062537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theliteraltrash/pseuds/theliteraltrash
Summary: Chris has been in love with Derek since that day in the sheriff's station. He tried to shove it down, pretend he didn't feel that way. But the truth comes out a little at a time.





	Why Do I Love You

Chris took a deep breath as he took in the sight in front of him. Derek Hale was in his arms, his eyes hooded as he swayed. Chris swallowed, steadying his voice. “You saved my life.”

 

He didn't know it then, but that was when Chris fell for Derek. The crashing feeling he felt when he saw the shards of glass in the other man's back, the fear that he would lose him. Chris remembered forgetting Derek was a werewolf and that he would heal once the glass was out, until the man said “I’m okay”. Chris had wanted to hold him and never let go, and at the time he didn't understand why.

 

It wasn't until he was actively seeking Derek out, trying to find him so he could help with the war in Beacon Hills, that he realized. The words “I believe in Derek Hale” came tumbling out of his mouth and he was telling the truth, the whole truth. He had complete faith in the ally who was once an enemy. When Derek held Chris against a wall and they had a conversation about something as fickle as a cellphone, Chris fully realized he was in love with this man and he had been in love with him for a year.

 

But he couldn't be in love with Derek. He had never had these types of feelings for a man before. He never even thought about another man sexually. Well- that was a lie, he definitely fantasized about at least one man during his teen years. He was a burly hunter, not an Argent, who had snuck Chris beer when he was helping Gerard. Chris had felt so ashamed of himself.

 

His father was vocal about _the gays_ just as he had been vocal about werewolves. Chris learned from an early age that Gerard was wrong for hating people because of who they loved. But he somehow wasn't able to apply that same train of thought to werewolves. _Gay people are people, werewolves are monsters_.

 

He had shoved his feelings down, put them in a box next to the one labelled ‘ALLISON' and in front of the one labelled ‘VICTORIA'. He let Melissa fall into his arms, played Prince Charming as he pressed his lips to hers. She was sweet yet feisty, a firecracker of a woman. She was everything he wanted in a woman. Yet, it didn't feel right.

 

They were drifting, as if Melissa could tell his heart wasn't fully hers. Her soft smiles had become saddened when he would kiss her. He pretended not to notice until it was too late.

 

He was in the shower, leaning his hand against the wall as he let the water run down his back. He always opened the boxes in his head when he was in the shower. He would wash off his grief and regret. That day, he opened the box labelled ‘DEREK’ and he thought about how selfish he was to ever _contemplate_ that Derek would be interested in him after all that Kate had done to him. Kate had murdered almost all of Derek's family, and she had abused him. She had her wicked ways with him when he was _sixteen years old_. She was twisted and evil and she had ruined Derek's life.

 

He couldn't help the tears falling down his face. He cursed himself and his weakness. He was crying about some man he was in love with like some teenager. Before he could think, he punched the wall of the shower as he let out a choked sob. _What the hell was wrong with him?_

 

There was a knock on the door and then Melissa's voice came through the wall. “Chris? Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah,” he answered, instinctively. It was a lie and she knew it.

 

She was sitting at the kitchen table when he came out of the bathroom. He sat across from her, already knowing what was coming. God, he just felt so stupid. Stupid and selfish, thats how he felt. She gave him a comforting smile and grabbed his hand. “What's wrong?” She asked.

 

He inhaled sharply and didn't meet her eyes. “I'm sorry.”

 

That's all he said. He could feel her staring at him, wanting clarification. She wanted context. She wanted to know what really was bothering him. “About what?”

 

“I…” he paused, licking his lips. “I think I have feelings for someone else.”

 

She gave his hand a light squeeze and he finally looked at her. She looked at the table and then met his eyes. “Okay,” she said. He remembered that her ex husband had cheated on her, several times.

 

“I think I'm in love with Derek,” his voice was small as he rubbed his thumb on the back of her hand.

 

She sat up straighter, leaning closer to him. “Oh,” she looked shocked. “What are you going to do about it?”

 

He scratched his chin, his fingers in his beard. “Nothing, probably. There's no way in hell he feels the same, not after all my family has done. Not after all I've done.”

 

She furrowed her brows and pursed her lips. “Y'know, a few years ago when I had just found out about what you were and what Scott is, I would have said there was no way I could have feelings for you. Here we are,” she let out a light chuckle. “Things change, Chris. You should talk to him.”

 

It was Chris’ turn to laugh. “Talk to _Derek Hale_ about my _feelings_. Yeah, that sounds brilliant.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “Derek has feelings too,” she reminded him.

 

Chris smiled as he remembered the one time he had seen Derek smile. They were talking, Chris didn't remember what the conversation was about. He just remembered that he had told some joke, a sarcastic quip, and Derek had smiled and rolled his eyes. He thought about that smile a lot.

 

“When did you start feeling this way?” Melissa asked.

 

Chris told her about the day the nogitsune set off the bomb in the Sheriff's station. “I didn't realize until later. I tried to push it down, but obviously it didn't work,” he explained.

 

She nodded. “Talk to him,” she stated firmly.

 

That’s how he got here, sitting next to Derek on the couch in his loft. They were sitting in silence, Derek was reading a book while Chris just sat stewing in his thoughts. He had told Derek he came to talk to him, yet he hasn’t said a goddamn word since he walked in. After a few minutes Derek had grabbed the book. He had turned the page six times, Chris had counted.

 

Chris knew Derek could probably smell the emotional turmoil. He also knew that Derek knew he wouldn’t say anything unless it was on his own terms. He took a deep breath and noticed out of the corner of his eye that Derek tore his eyes off of the book to watch him. He was waiting for Chris to speak.

 

“Melissa and I broke up,” he stated.

 

Derek closed the book and nodded, asking him to continue speaking. Chris always liked that Derek was amazing with nonverbal communication. It was something they had in common, the lack of verbal filler. They both treasured and dreaded silence. The silence they dreaded was the kind that rang in your soul, the silence that reminded you how alone you were. The best kind of silence was the one you had with someone you truly knew, the comfortable silence of doing your own thing while having that trusted person right beside you. The kind that they had.

 

Chris finally fully looked at Derek. “I have feelings for someone else,” the words felt heavy as he looked in Derek’s eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul, especially for werewolves like Derek. Derek’s eyes were a beautiful mix of blue, green, and brown. However, his _real_ eyes were a beautiful crystal blue that signified the loss of a piece of you that came from killing an innocent.

 

Derek glanced at Chris’ lips and Chris felt his breath hitch. They locked eyes again. “Yeah?” Derek asked.

 

“Yeah,” Chris nodded.

 

They didn’t speak, but Chris was aware of every sound he heard. He could hear Derek breathing, could feel it in hot puffs of air as they inched closer. His eyes fell closed and his mouth crashed against the other mans. It was strange, kissing a man and feeling the scratch of his stubble as he put his hands on his jaw. Derek’s hands moved to Chris’ waist and he was moved closer. There was a practiced surety to Derek’s movements, probably instinctual precision.

 

Chris only broke the kiss to breathe. He opened his eyes, to be met with the sight of Derek staring into them. They sat there for a moment, not talking, treasuring the closeness. Chris’ hands fell to Derek’s chest.

 

“I don’t know when or why I started feeling like this, but I know it’s been a while,” Derek informed. He sounded unsure, likely preparing himself for the fallout that came with almost all of his previous relationships.

 

“I just can’t believe that after everything my family has done,” ~~_everything I’ve done,_~~ “you feel the same,” Chris was trying to remain stoic and calculative.

 

Derek let out a huff of air. “Me too, if we’re being completely honest,” their eyes met again. “But, I know that you’re different. When you found out what they did - what they were like - you turned your back on them. You’ve been on Scott’s side despite everything you were taught about us.”

 

“I’ve been on your side too,” Chris added.

 

Derek nodded. “Yeah, you have.”

 

Derek gave a small smile, his face displaying his emotions like an open book. Chris didn’t think before he kissed him again, more sure this time. He wanted this and there was nothing standing in his way. After everything they’ve both went through, and all that they’ve lost, they deserve this. They deserve the happiness that comes with finally closing that distance and acting on the repression. It was freeing. Chris was reminded of the rush that came the first time he ever fired a gun. This was different though, he didn’t have the pressure of impressing anyone. He was vulnerable and doing this for himself. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time, and it was a welcome familiarity.


End file.
